3 Things My Mother Taught Me About Life: Happy Mother's Day!

The snow outside my car window swirled and fell on the dark pavement like a heavy, wet blanket. As our headlights punctured through the curtain of frozen rain I remember glancing at my mother in the driver's seat thinking to myself, "Are we going to make it home through this storm?"

My mom, myself, and one of my very close girlfriends were making our way back from Chicago after spending the weekend exploring colleges. Normally driving from our home in Michigan to Chicago took roughly four hours . .  . and we were going on six on this wintery return journey. Lots of cars were parked on the shoulder, waiting it out, and semi trucks sped past our slow moving car and miles down the road we discovered them spun out on the side of the road. My mom said to us, "I don't understand these people. They are driving so fast, hurried to get to their homes or scared to move at all and if they just went slow but steady they'd make it ok." Although it ended up taking us 9 hours to reach our own Welcome mat, this simple trip, this lesson stuck with me for many reasons that echoed the overreaching lessons my mother taught me.

Today is Mother's Day and I wanted to say a few words to my mother about how very much I appreciate and love her and every part of our ever growing and evolving relationship as daughter and mother. Our relationship through the years has mostly been great, but like all children who grow-up I suspect there are times when they don't understand their parents or get embarrassed by their actions (mostly because I think it's in the Parent Rule Book when we are all born that they must embarrass us all).

My mom and I on Mackinaw Island.

My mom and I on Mackinaw Island.

Today I recognize that this confusion is all apart of being young and that although embarrassment is always bound to happen, you can control the way you react to it and even laugh at yourself and join in on it.. sometimes. :)

Using that fateful Chicago trip as one example of many, I learned some key lessons from my mother about life and how to live it that have stood the test of a lot of my challenges and struggles and that have definitely shaped who I am.

1.  The biggest most important lesson is on Fear.

Replace the fear of the unknown with curiosity.

Replace the fear of the unknown with curiosity.

My mother was always the first one to say, "You won't know until you try/ask/call/ or try again." She never let any situation that was unfamiliar to her keep her from going after what she wanted. She was always curious. My mom wasn't afraid to just keep driving, cautiously and slow, but she kept driving because the weather - the fear of what the weather was like -  wasn't going to control how she reacted to a situation. My mom has many times walked right up to complete strangers and asked for directions, cooed at babies, and just blurted out conversation, because she really has no fear in what other people think of her or how she lives her life. If she needed directions, ok lets just ask by pulling into this driveway and asking the nice man mowing his lawn or if we were lost and no one was around (before Google maps) she'd say, "Well let's just try this road or this exit and see where it takes us. We can always turn around."

My wonderful, loving mother always approached situations head on and taught me that I needed to replace the fear of the unknown with curiosity.

2. Another crucial lesson that I learned was to travel. At every opportunity.

Some of my most fond memories come from traveling. My mother planted the seed early in my life that the world is a big place and I have the freedom to explore and discover it.  She taught me that in life I needed to collect moments and memories, not things. Coming from a very small farming town (graduating class of 40 people), a lot of my classmates hadn't been any farther than the borders of the county or state. My mom encouraged myself and my sister to go to summer camp in New Hampshire for two weeks - starting when I was only about 9 years old. I ended up going every year for 5 years. When it was time to start thinking about colleges, my mom was the first to volunteer herself to drive me to Chicago and also encouraged my close friend who was also interested in a school there to come along as well. Today, I have traveled to Scotland, England, Chicago, New York, Turkey, Greece, and even last week to Nashville all on my own - and I owe these opportunities taken to my vivacious mom.

Family vacation to Savannah, Georgia

Family vacation to Savannah, Georgia

3. The last lesson that I wanted to share was a lesson of creating my own path.

My mom helped me to think about how I wanted to get where I was going in life and even if it didn't follow the smooth, paved path of everyone else that was ok. My mom taught me that even if there are obstacles - like 8 inches of snow - in the way that I needed to find a way to make a path to whatever goal I was heading for and not simply sit on the side of the road waiting for a clear and easy path in front of me.

The little girl just could not sleep because her thoughts were way too deep, her mind had gone for a stroll and fallen down a rabbit hole . . .

The little girl just could not sleep because her thoughts were way too deep, her mind had gone for a stroll and fallen down a rabbit hole . . .

My mom taught me that it's ok to go a little slower, but that I have to be moving on the road - no matter how fast or slow - to reach my destination.

Some of the beautiful flowers from my mom's garden.

Some of the beautiful flowers from my mom's garden.

One of my favorite pictures of my mom that I took at her birthday last year.

One of my favorite pictures of my mom that I took at her birthday last year.

 

Happy Mother's Day Mom!! I love you!

Love Always,

Courtney Carolyn

5 Lessons from Dating my Boyfriend of 4 years

Today, October 23rd 2014, marks a historical day in my personal life. I have officially been dating my boyfriend, Scott, for four years. We celebrated last night by going out to a nice dinner at Red Lobster and I only managed to embarrass Scott and myself once.

Our first big date at the Theta Chi Formal in Canada - Courtney 19, Scott 21

Our first big date at the Theta Chi Formal in Canada - Courtney 19, Scott 21

After we ordered and started digging in to the heavenly garlic butter biscuts, our waitress, Jennifer, asked, "Are you two dining in tonight for any special reason?" and me being me said, "Yup! It's our 4 year anniversary." She wished us congrats and went about to her other tables and we didn't really think it was that big a deal until she returned to announce, "As a special congratulations, we are going to complimentarily give you any of our sharable desserts tonight.", with a very friendly twinkle in her eye. Scott and I sat there looking at each other and then thanked her for that nice offer and said we'd order something once we had finished eating. But then the manager came over.

The manager came out to wish us a happy 4 year WEDDING anniversary. She said, "Wow married for four years congrats!." I quickly corrected her by saying, "Oh no not wedding anniversary, dating anniversary." The words sort of fell lamely out of my mouth, as suddenly it seemed like dating for four years wasn't all that big a deal. It felt this way to me because the manager quickly followed up with an "Oh, Well. Congrats on your four year . . dating . . anniversary. Enjoy your evening.", and she hurried away, but not before I saw her face contort at the word "dating" and the way she slowly stumbled over her response. Scott and I sheepishly hid our faces behind our water glasses and decided we were too full to accept the dessert, and even to full to take it home with us.

Just hanging out at an Adrian College football game - our alma mater

Just hanging out at an Adrian College football game - our alma mater

Scott said, "There's always something with you," referring to me and my incapacity to just have a boring, uneventful evening. I replied, "I said four year anniversary! I didn't say wedding anniversary and besides our hands are sitting right here - no rings. They assumed marriage and now we feel bad."

The whole evening I began reflecting on my and Scott's relationship over the last 4 years - has it been that long? - and what I have discovered about dating the same man for four years and about relationships in general. I have summed these thoughts up into lessons for every year I've been in this relationship (plus 1 for the year I new Scott before we became "official").

We make goofy faces . . .   a lot.

We make goofy faces . . . a lot.

Lesson 1 - You know you have a keeper when your boyfriend doesn't scare easily.

When I first met Scott, I didn't have as clean a break from my ex-boyfriend as I might have thought or that I had hoped for. Scott was there for me at a time that was very stressful and he always reassured me that he wasn't going anywhere and that he didn't care about my past with this guy. A lot of guys don't want to deal with potential "drama" of ex-boyfriends, but Scott said I was worth the inital drama to get to a place where we could just start fresh as "us" Courtney and Scott. (I think I heard Nicolas Sparks typewritter chime in approval of these sentiments.)

Lesson 2 - You know you have a keeper when your boyfriend is good in an emergency.

Remember Scott's thoughts on me never having a dull moment? Well in our second year of dating, my off-campus apartment complex caught fire and basically burnt to the ground. Thankfully I was blessed and my particular apartment mostly only sustained water damage and structure collapse damage.

Scott showed up during this blazing event to help calm me down and also really stepped up in helping me figure out where I was going to live - because I was basically homeless - how to get my stuff out of the building within the alotta 5 hour period the firemen gave us access, and just proved how much of a giving heart he has and that when shit goes down he doesn't run away, he sticks it out.

Lesson 3 - Communication is one of the most important factors in a relationship.

Scott hates it when I say this, but I can talk to him like I talk to one of my closest girlfriends. You have to be able to communicate with your significant other and cannot be afraid to talk about the big stuff; religion, marriage, politics, money, and life goals. You don't always have to agree explicitly with the other person on this stuff, but you have to know where their philosophy on these topics rests. Scott and I are good communicators but as in every relationship, romantic or friend, there are times when you have a difference of opinion and fight. As long as you both can communicate to each other your thoughts and feelings without being hurtful or unfair fighting (low blows like name calling) you are well on your way to having a satisfying relationship.

Lesson 4 - In every relationship there is an inevitable friction point that will make or break you.

In marriage, they call this friction point the first year. While still dating I believe this takes place around the 3 year marker. At this point in the relationship you have to evaluate how the relationship is or is not working and your goals and dreams moving forward. You will inevitably have to have the hard "talk" with yourself and your loved one. Where are we going? Are we happy? What do you want out of life? What do I want out of life?

At this friction point all of the previous lessons/abilities come in handy as your significant other will most likely feel scared, like your relationship is in a state of emergency, and that they need to communicate their thoughts and feelings.

Lesson 5 - Celebrate your love.

As a wedding photographer I get to spend my days around couples who are so in love and then make the ultimate commitment to spend their lives together. Marriage is a big deal and celebrating your years together is something you should cherish, but I also think celebrating your years together in general is something you should cherish married or not.

After our night at Red Lobster I told Scott, "It's a big deal to make it four years in the dating world. Why was that manager any less impressed with it because we weren't married?." I in no way undermine the importance of marriage or relate it to dating in anyway but I added to Scott, "Why shouldn't we celebrate this four years? I mean if we get married we have to start back at the 1 year anniversary again and it's almost like we loose these 4 or whatever years."

Scott replied with, "Well, babe, you're right and that's why I love you - even though you are a disaster sometimes."

Cheers to us Scott! And I hope you enjoyed a look back on a small glimpse of our four years together!

Love Always,

Courtney

Our first Chi Omega Formal - Courtney 20, Scott 22

Our first Chi Omega Formal - Courtney 20, Scott 22

Journeying to Kentucky with Scott's church on a mission trip in 2012

Journeying to Kentucky with Scott's church on a mission trip in 2012

A trip to the Binder Park Zoo! I think I'll pet a giraffe.

A trip to the Binder Park Zoo! I think I'll pet a giraffe.

Attending numerous Michigan State Football games together, including this one from 2009 - Go Green! Go White!

Attending numerous Michigan State Football games together, including this one from 2009 - Go Green! Go White!

Doing the college spring break trip to Orlando in 2011

Doing the college spring break trip to Orlando in 2011

Our last Chi Omega Formal in 2012 - Courtney 22, Scott 23

Our last Chi Omega Formal in 2012 - Courtney 22, Scott 23

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What are some things you've learned about dating or marriage? I'd love to hear about it in the comments below!